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Mar. 18th, 2011


Human Interaction

For the past little while I've been thinking about the themes of my creative thoughts. Well, I'm always thinking about my developing stories. They're seriously almost detached from me. I almost feel like the stories I want to write are just sort of floating around out there waiting for me to catch them so I can write them down. My characters don't do or say something because I think they should, it's because it's who they are.

Wow, this post is not going where I'd intended for it to go...Collapse )

Jan. 7th, 2011


I love this

I had the day off yesterday and so was feeling pretty good. Just hung out around the house with my dog and worked on some things I'd been putting off for weeks. On days like these, I just feel so content and at peace with the world.

Anyways, I got all ready for what seems to be my weekly walk to the library with my dog and as I was leaving the back yard I spotted a DVD case of mine lying in the middle of the driveway, kinda squished and covered in snow. I can understand that it may have fallen out of a bag as I was carrying it into the house. (My parents are separated and I live in a different house each week.) The bizarre thing about this, though, is that since changing houses, my sister, my mother and myself had all walked by there several times each and none of us had noticed it. It's blue and pink and pretty hard to miss so what I want to know is why it appeared there on a Thursday afternoon when we hauled our bags through there on Sunday? Guess I'll add this to my list of personal unexplainable circumstances. Fortunately the DVD itself seems to be perfectly fine.

I apologized to my dog, grabbed the DVD, took it back inside, wiped it off and then headed out again for my walk. This delay probably took 5-10 minutes. As I was leaving the house I was thinking, I wonder if my walk will be much different because of the delay? Like the whole phenonomen shown in the movie Sliding Doors. While I doubt I've ever had an experience of catching a bus or train/not catching it that dramatically altered my life as much as it did for the lead in Sliding Doors I do like wondering about it sometimes. I don't believe that everything happens for a reason, but I like to think about it sometimes.

The first difference I did notice was that the elementary school right next to my house was just getting out so I would need to make my way through all the cars and people, which was a pain. Because of all the traffic, I ended up taking a different route than usual.

A little girl of about 9 was just ahead of me and she stopped to pet my dog. Not many people seem to be able to resist her...She asked the usual questions: what kind of dog, her name. We joked about how friendly she was and then I headed off again. Now, usually these small chats over dogs don't last more than the few moments it takes to pet the dog or have two dogs sniff each other's butts, but this girl was walking the same way as me and so we ended up walking together. We just talked about simple things. She asked me my name, told me her's. I asked her what grade she was in, told her about how I had the year off. Just a brief chat before she turned onto the road to her house.

I can't help being so grateful to my dog for being there for conversation starters such as these. What 9 year old kid would talk to a teenager/young adult walking by themself? I'm so happy now for the DVD lying in the snow. Talk about sacrificing material objects for more meaningful experiences. I just love when I'm able to talk to a complete stranger in a completely uncreepy way, whom I would otherwise never exchange a word with. This reminded me of why I love kids and is exactly the kind of thing that totally inspires me in my writing.

I don't care if this was a tl;dr or seemed like rambling. It was a precious experience for me and I wish these things happened more often.

Dec. 15th, 2010


(no subject)

Today when I was babysitting a 5 year old boy he noticed my ring on the middle finger of my right hand and asked me when I was getting married. I explained that I wasn't and then he asked me, "But when will you get married?" I told him that I might never get married and asked why would he think that I would? He explained in a matter-of-fact way that when you become an adult you get married.

Now, he does tend to come up with some really random things that even his mother can't understand where he gets it from, but I found this really interesting how he seems to think that all adults get married and thought that I would know specifically when I'd be getting married now at 19. He didn't care who I'd be marrying, just when.

I suppose that a lot of adults he knows are married/have been married, but it's interesting to consider that this is yet another image engraved into childrens expectations. It's like how it was for me and I'm sure many other people growing up in your early years influenced by heteronormativity and believing everyone was attracted romantically (and when you get older, sexually) to the opposite sex and that one day you'll meet one person of the opposite sex and spend the rest of your life with them. Discovering the existence of homosexuality and then bisexuality and then again asexuality along with aromanticism changed my view of the world dramatically. I wonder when this expectation of his will change?

Perhaps this conversation made me think more than other people would have. I wonder if someone with plans to find their "one true love" would see this differently than me, an aromantic asexual with no plans whatsoever of being bound to one single person.

Nov. 1st, 2010


Writer's Block: Amazing stories are for sharing.

When you experience something great or amazing, who's the first person you want to share it with?

My sister.

Oct. 31st, 2010


(no subject)

So this evening I mention to my dad how difficult it was to resist the urge to hug my sister when I she came to visit me at work. He jokingly brings up the fact that we're English/German/Lutheran and so any public display of affection is a major no-no. Guess I'm not much of a British/German/Lutheran...

And as a side note, I think it would be sweet if I were half French and half Japanese because then I could greet people by kissing their cheeks and bowing to them!

And I'd be a halfer like Tamaki!


Sep. 20th, 2010


Long term goals for the year of Sept. '10 to June '11

So in order to keep a check on myself, I am posting my long term goals for this upcoming school/work year. My hopes are high and I have the most wonderful feeling that this year is really going to be my year to blossom in a range of mediums I love working in and in which I hope to advance! I shall list my goals roughly in the order of most vital and most likely to complete to the less important.

1. Get a full time (or at least 2 part time) job(s) and work until about June 2010, possibly slightly later.

2. Work on and complete portfolio for university and register by late '10/early '11.

3. Apply for scholarships.

4. Take evening courses at Quickdraw, ACAD, and possibly Emmedia/CSIF. Focus on animation, film-making and computer programs such as Adobe After Effects and/or Photoshop.

5. Complete cosplay costumes of Black/Kuro, White/Shiro and the Minotaur from Tekkonkinkreet for Otafest, if not by November for Otafest Lite then by May for Otafest Otafest.

6. Work on writing projects and make good headway on at least one of the novels (currently 3 novel ideas, 1 short story and 1 script) Take advantage of NaNoWriMo!

7. Complete short film script to possibly submit in portfolio. (also work on other forms of pre-production. I will be blown away if I'm able to find some actresses and get if filmed, but this dream is unlikely to come true just yet)

8. Continue learning Japanese and Spanish in hopes of being able to read a decent amount of Japanese and being comfortable with speaking and understanding at least a third of Japanese spoken in animes. Hope to be comfortable speaking and writing Spanish. I'm hoping to be at these comfort levels by June.

9. Complete the storyboard for another short film idea and submit in portfolio.

10. Make a kinetic typography video to possibly submit in portfolio. But first, save up for Adobe After Effects and buy it!

11. Make films with The Dateless Penny!

12. Work on AMVs and other music videos (1 Soul Eater, 2 OHSHC, 1 Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind). Submit at least 2 AMVs into Otafest and possibly into other AMV contests.

13. Learn how to use photo editing programs like GIMP and/or Photoshop and create new images to add to DeviantArt possibly. Make some icons and backgrounds?

14. Contribute to hitRECord collaborations.

15. Learn more alphabets, such as Cyrillic, Greek, Hebrew, Arabic, etc.

16. Make some animations.

17. Take a Contiki trip around Europe.

Sep. 15th, 2010


Writing Challenge

Just finished writing a diary entry for a novel I'm working on. I wanted to give it the look of a 7 year old's writing so I used my left hand and intentionally misspelled certain words. It's surprisingly difficult to break the habit of correct spelling! I had to go back to the days of when I had to heavily rely upon sounding out words to spell. Now I'm having an oddly hard time of spelling correctly! Might try to scan it and post it later as I'm quite proud of it!

My Theoretical Child

Although I've never been pregnant, I could technically have a child as old as 5 right now...

The thought terrifies me and yet enthuses me at the same time.

Sep. 9th, 2010


A Bizarre Case of a Mistaken Identity

The strangest thing happened to me last week and I decided I just had to post about it because I've been having difficulties getting it out of my head.

First, I need to explain certain details of the situation. Just over a month ago I had a corrective jaw surgery, which involved both of my jaws being broken and reset to give me a proper bite in place of my former underbite. I was anesthetized the entire time and even now parts of my face are still swollen and numb. Because of my not-so-attractive current state, I've been pretty self-conscious and so I haven't gone out much in the past month.

Anyways, on with my story. Despite the fact that I haven't been going out much in public, I did make an exception to briefly stop in at the library with the intention of dropping off some overdue materials as well as picking up some holds, which I'd been looking forward to. (When you're stuck at home, the library is your best friend. Even more so than usual.) It would probably have been an uneventful visit if I didn't know a large portion of the people in the library. I'd worked there for three years and so I always recognized at least one of the staff and I usually say hi, smile or wave whenever I'm there. But since I didn't want anyone to see me because of my appearance (don't know what I was thinking. The library IS a public place and this is probably the busiest one in my city.) I wanted to get out of there as quickly as possible. Of course things didn't go the way I'd hoped and standing right next to where I was doing check-out were two staff members who I'd previously worked with. But instead of the regular greeting that I was expecting, I heard them talking about me and wondering if I was not me, but my sister!

Now I feel that another explanation is required. For the past year, according to other people with whom both my sister and I are acquainted (definitely not according to us or our family), my sister and I look very similar and we have been asked on multiple occasions if we are twins, which is incredibly frustrating since I happen to be nearly three years older than her. In other circumstances, our friends have mistaken me for her or vice versa. One time we were at an anime convention and my sister was wearing a mask and I noticed someone waving. I didn't know them, although they looked oddly familiar, so I assumed that she'd been waving at someone behind me. Later, my sister explained that she knew this girl from her art class and so when this girl approached me and began talking to me I quickly tried to explain that she had the wrong person and attempted to remove my sisters mask. Upon seeing my sister, without taking a break in what she was saying the girl responded with, "And...you're twins!" ...I really don't see it.

Anyways, many of the few people who have seen me since the surgery have wondered if I'll look more like my sister now since our bites and consequently our chins our more similar than ever. Obviously I am looking more like her because the next thing I knew at the library, one of my old coworkers was asking, "Are you Veronica's sister? You are, aren't you?!"

No words can describe how I felt. For a second, I was just like o_0. Now, usually I would probably have corrected her and told her that no, I'm actually Veronica, not her sister, but as I said earlier, I didn't want to stick around any longer than I had to so I just smiled and said hi. It wasn't that I was weirded out that someone thought I was my sister but mostly just the fact that that someone knew me better than my sister and not only that but had worked with me for three years!!! So being told by someone - not even just asked, but told - that you're not yourself, but rather you're sister, is a bizarre experience to say the least. I still don't know what to think of it...

Jul. 21st, 2010


What my mind is currently stuck on. What's with the assumptions?

Am I a weirdo?

The other day a coworker was telling me about his previous relationships. When he asked me about my love life and I told him it was non-existent his first comment was that he found that surprising, which I suppose was a compliment, but I didn't say anything and don't want to focus on that now. Next thing, he asked me if this was because I hadn't found the right guy yet. Or had the right guy not found me? This is what really got me.

I don't suppose many people would think twice about it, but this isn't the first time someone has asked me something along these lines. I've been asked by handfuls of people if I have a boyfriend. Obviously this isn't meant to harm anyone, it's usually just small talk, but it does bother me. I would say it offends me, but I don't think that's quite the right word.

Getting to the point, the reason it bothers me is the fact that these people are making a pretty strong assumption that I must be heterosexual. I honestly can't remember the last time a person asked me if I might have a girlfriend, if ever. While I truly believe that society in general is becoming more accepting and, in many cases, more supportive of different sexual orientations, I still think we're stuck in the past with placing every individual into the category of "heterosexual" unless anything is offered to prove otherwise. While not a fatal assumption, it still bothers me that our culture (and when I say this, I speak for the general culture of North America, particularly that of Canada and the United States) can pass such judgements so freely without giving it a second thought. I've never had a single friend ask me if I, in fact, wasn't attracted to boys.

So as proof of my constant consciousness of this, I'd like to add that, because of personal experiences, when I see a heterosexual couple, particularly if they're older (from the days when homosexuality, in particular, was taboo), I often wonder if both individuals are truly heterosexual and if they really are attracted to each other. Sometimes I wonder if I'll ever know about some people. Honestly, in my humble opinion, most people seem to assume that the majority of human beings are heterosexual and the LGBTA community is in the minority. I strongly disagree with this. Yes, for as long as I can think back in history, heterosexuality has been the most present and acceptable sexual orientation, but some people are very good at acting. It is true that the majority of people seem to be named (by themselves or others) as heterosexual, but think of just how many people have been coming out in recent decades. There isn't some disease that's increasing the size of the LGBTA community, people are just becoming more comfortable with their true feelings being known.

Just as a side note, I'm not saying any of these things because I'm some lesbian raging about heterosexuality. I truly hate to be assigned a name. In this case, I really dislike being automatically taken for a heterosexual when I, myself, have been questioning my sexual orientation for the past few years. If anyone could decide, it would be me. In fact, I wonder just how many people even consider the possiblity that I just may not be sexually attracted to anyone...